Because there are some topics where i'd always loved to hear people's opinions on. They are always diverse, vastly different or strangely similar. Yet each point comes from within that person's mind, generated by his own personal feelings. If you feel strongly about something, it should always be respected. And i respect people's opinions.
Some sad incidents happened over the span of 5 months between the end of last year and beginning of this year. They all involved third parties. And whenever there are third parties, there is always undeniable gut-wrenching pain.
When I was in the moment, i thought third parties were the most detestable creatures on the planet. They should not exist in society. They bring anguish, tears and unnecessary bitterness. Death sentence anyone?
But I'm out of the moment now. So i stepped back and wondered,
Are third parties bad?
Someone once said, 'Why can't i flirt with the guy? It's the girlfriend's job to keep her man, and the boyfriend's job to be loyal to her.'
It is a cold, cold statement. But there's truth within. Logically, if the boyfriend was indeed loyal, he would not waver. And if the girlfriend did enough, or if she did not omit to do something in the relationship, the guy would be loyal. Or if there was nothing wrong with your relationship, there wouldn't be a reason for a guy to waver.
But then again, emotions are never logical. And unfortunately, this is probably the only factual truth in the whole post.
Going back to the question, are third parties the one to blame if there is something wrong in your relationship in the first place? Is she the trigger or the catalyst? (i'm going to say she, but we all know it's he/she)
Is it the guy's fault for wandering, or the third party's fault for luring?
Yes, it can be both. But are you saying he will not ever wander if she had never existed?
Another view point. If the third party does intentionally steal your guy, but she does so with the purest of intentions? That is, she truly loves your guy. She honestly believes they belong together. And the guy believes so too. He dumps the ex-gf for the third party. Is she still wrong?
I'm not saying the ex-gf should not be sad. I will grieve for her. But is the third party still a 'third party'? Is she still... bad?
I don't believe the third party should intentionally ruin a relationship. But I don't believe a third party should sit and wait forever for the guy to realise that she is the one for him. And i can't find the middle line for these two situations.
Still, a few come-to-reality facts tell me i shouldn't even bother wasting my time thinking about it :
- very few people know whether the person is 'the one' for them. They think there's a possibility and with that they justify wrecking the relationship. Is the pain you cause to the grieving girl worth the few months of fun you're going to have with your 'possible' guy?
- many people has this dog-eat-dog world concept. In actual fact, they don't give two shits about what the exgf is thinking. It's your business, keep it that way.
- just how much do people invest in relationships these days? Some people switch boyfriends like how they switch underwear. They should be used to the emotional trauma that relationships bring with them.
A BIG ps: The third parties i referred to were in relationships of the closest people in the world to me thus when i was by their side, the pain i felt for them was so strong and almost intolerable. There was never, ever, ever a third party in G and my relationship. I don't think it's possible? Three years and we're still blindly devoted to each other, it's almost unbelievable :p I'm blessed, really.
i should add you on my google reader like...right now!
ReplyDeletegoing out now,just wanted to check that i linked u correctly!!will comment on this soon hopefully hehe xx
Hmmmm, I dont think we should blame the bf/gf or the third party. BUT......
ReplyDeleteI WONT/NEVER want to become the third party bcos I strongly believe in KARMA. What goes around comes around... If one day my lover is "stolen" by the third party, at least I have the right to go up and slap her on the face, instead of having her shout back at me, "Hey this is what you have done in the past wat. With a neninibubu!" Then I can only go back and cry to myself. hahaha.
But true la. I dont want to feel anguish so I wont want to do that to other people too. If this world is full of someone like me, then it's gonna be a peaceful world! V sign! =)
Joanne, i mean to ask, what if the 3rd party was a friend of the guy's. And then things developed between them, whether she liked it or not. It's just chemistry. And often feelings generate out of your control. He breaks up with his gf for her. Is she still bad?
ReplyDeleteSomeone said that if she actively does something to encourage him, she is. But sometimes people unconsciously do things that others condemn. Chatting on the phone with him would have seem harmless to her, but it might be part of the 'encouraging' process.
I don't know why i think until so deep T__T Memang none of my business. But it really really makes me wonder! I want to know is it a stereotype, or are they really bad.
Hehehehe sorry and thank you for leaving your thoughts :D
yes i'm also gonna stop procrastinating and add this to my 'must-reads' =)
ReplyDeleteshit so many thoughts tat i wana type out i feel so strongly about this topic! but stick to the question: the 3rd party is definitely at fault whether she means it or not.
because it's a universal idea tat you are not to have the slightest intentions of showing any feelings for a guy who is in a relationship. whether the guy is happy or unhappy with his relationship, you have no rights to step in, directly/indirectly encourage him to make any actions in any way, NOT UNTIL the guy decides for himself to end his current relationship.
of course, this would mean the guy is not strong enough in his current relationship as well, but we can never tell when he's going to suddenly go weak. so a note to all girlfriends out there, as much as you believe in your bf's loyalty, never ever take things happening around him too lightly: some incidents can always be avoided if we hadn't provided opportunities for him to have ongoing chemistry with a 3rd party.
i've seen cases around me: people close to me going astray, ruining their own relationships, and up to this day, i did not stand on their side for their loss, maybe like what you say, they're used to the emotional trauma that relationships bring with them anyway?
hmm i would think that some girls are more prone to have feelings for a guy who is in a relationship, but not when the guy was single previously. it's like the girl realized how great a bf he can be, hence the "i'm so much better than his current gf, i'm gonna make him choose me now instead" approach.
all in all, i think that every 3rd party has their own individual reasons behind their actions.. we can never judge them fairly until we know the whole story, in and out.
p/s: thank god there is no 3rd party in my relationship, yet. i'm a optimistic pessimist (born a pessimist, but learning to be an optimist, like the bf), and given the bf's weak willpower and always accepting attitude, i'm gonna have to be extra alert when i spot suspicious looking 'flies' around him =)
Hey Charlene what a long and nice comment! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI quite like your line of thought there, that each 3rd party have their own reasons and we should hear the sides first. I think at the end of the day, judging people is probably the worst we can do.
And i wonder is the 'prevention' method going to work out if i ever find him building chemistry with someone else. It's probably the top regret post-disaster but it's not easy telling him, hey im watching you don't take it too far. After all, there's always the 'but we're just friends' justification sigh.
AND HEY why did you put 'yet' it should 'there is no 3rd party in my relationship' FULL STOP hahahaa.
Best of luck in your rship my dear :)